Wednesday, 24 September 2014

Hangover Cures: Breakfast at Lentil as Anything (Abbotsford)

A hangover cure with an ethical twist.

Abbotsford's Lentil As Anything provides what is easily among the best breakfasts to be had in Melbourne.  With or without a hangover, you are guaranteed a serious treat and what's more, it is a secret that has been overlooked by the likes of Broadsheet or Time Out Melbourne.

"So where's the bacon?" I hear you plead.  Well, Sonny Jim, there is no bacon here.  Lentil as Anything, as the name suggests, is a vegetarn restaurant.  Let's be perfectly be honest about it, if you have a full day ahead of you, bacon is not always the best option.

Hangover-friendly breakfasts include the poached eggs with rosti, semolina corn cakes with beans and poached egg, Sri Lankan farmer's breakfast, museli and sweet pancakes (as pictured to the right) so devilishly good it is a wonder the dark lord has not kept them all to himself.  Just look at that syrup!

The coffee here is magnificent as well.  It tastes all the better knowing that it is organic, fair trade.  Oh, and yours truly occasionally worked the groupers last year.  Suffice it to say that Lentil as Anything is an organisation that truly believes in the "equal opportunity" ethos.

Lentils (as it is known for short) can be found in four locations across Melbourne, however the Abbotsford Convent location is the only one that offers breakfast.  They have a "pay what you feel" payment/donation policy, and they also help many of the city's disadvantaged; be they homeless or new immigrants to Australia.  Please give generously.

Lentil As Anything
1-3 St. Heliers St  Abbotsford  Victoria
Nearest Tram Stop:  #86: Waterfront City Gardens to Bundoora (alight at Johnston St stop)
Nearest Train Station:  Victoria Park
Directions:  Both the tram and train pass over Johnston St.  Catch any East-bound bus (barring the 201 which turns onto Hoddle St - if arriving by tram at Smith St) and alight at the footbridge.  The penultimate stop has an office building to its left.  Cross the bridge and head straight.  Take the first left, passing the local primary school.  The Convent is located on the right of St. Heliers St.

Sunday, 21 September 2014

Hangover Cures: Guinness and Oysters at South Melbourne Markets / The Drop Bear Inn

It is a Sunday morning, and your head feels as though it has a head-on collision involving two Johnny Cash songs burning up inside it. You feel inanimate.  Your liver is protesting like a French student.  There is no way you are moving for anything, but along comes an “anyone.”  Poked and prodded, the next thing you know, you are stumbling to your feet wearily as your significant other(s) somehow, against all odds, persuade you to join them in a quest for pre-civilised hour activities.  “It had better be bloody worth it!”

There is one place that is totally worth it: South Melbourne.

If you are indeed feeling a little worse for wear, beer and oysters might be the last thing you want to set eyes upon, never mind consume.  Bear with me, though, because in my experience there is no more perfect way to chase away a hangover than with a pint (or three) of Guinness, paired with freshly shucked market oysters.  You will feel even better when you find that, at the South Melbourne Market, they are sold from the adjoining Oyster Bar for a measly $1 per “shot”.  Supremely ocean-fresh, fat and juicy Coffin Bay (South Australia) oysters, paid for by what lies beneath the cushions?  Yes, you read correctly.

Take your treasure trove of bivalve molluscs over to the nearby Drop Bear Inn where you will find among the best pints of Guinness to be had anywhere in Australia.  This fantastic backpackers pub (open to the general public) is headed up by the awesome Melinda Beacroft, who on my visit greeted me and my posse with not only immaculately poured pints of the black stuff, but a heartily warm welcome as well.  No request was too big or too small.  She even sent us away with a Guinness pint glass!

Oyster fans may already know this, however it is always worth reinforcing: the salty taste and squirmy texture lend themselves to being nigh on impossible to pair with most wines.  So, what then would be the best accompanying beverage?  Why, stout of course!  In fact, there are several stouts out there that feature oysters added to the brew (Sixpoint having provided the only specimen that I have sampled to date).  Guinness is an absolutely perfect pairing to be had with briny oysters, due in part to its subdued hop profile.  The burnt malt flavours and smoothness of Guinness do well in offsetting the highly saline flavour of the oyster, with the toasty finish of the former setting you up for the next delicious morsel.

It is bears noting that overly bitter, hoppy craft stouts do not pair quite so well, however smooth oatmeal stouts such as those brewed by Nail Brewing Co. (of West Australia) and Rogue Brewing are far better suited to this rather tall task.  Moreover, resist the urge to add Tabasco sauce if you are pairing with Guinness, for this condiment is not overly suited to the matching.

Suffice it to say, I am thoroughly looking forward to future visits to the market as well as the Drop Bear Inn as the weather warms up, hungover or not.  You, too, would be mad to overlook a visit on a warm, market day afternoon.

South Melbourne Market
322-326 Coventry St
South Melbourne  Vic  3205

Drop Bear Inn
115 Cecil St (opposite the markets)
South Melbourne  Vic  3205

Click here for directions to the market

Mikkeller: Beer Geek Brunch Breakfast (Oatmeal Coffee / Breakfast Stout)

Two Row Bar, Fitzroy (Melbourne)

Coffee...?  Melbourne is of course famous for it, however it is possible that you will find badly brewed, flavourless, sugary crap here too.  After experiencing the worst coffee since leaving Perth, I felt it necessary to find another hit, however the time of day dictated that it was more beer o'clock than coffee o'clock.  Fortunately the good folks at Two Row Bar (yes, I do have another home to go to...) provided the remedy as well as the redemption in Mikkeller's Beer Geek Brunch Weasel  stout.  In so doing, two birds were killed with the one stone.

This stuff is the breakfast of (would be) champions.  It is an oatmeal stout with Vietnamese ca phe chon coffee added to the brew.  If you do not know what is particularly special about this coffee strain, you may direct your questions to the humble civetcat.  Make sure you do so when he's not on the loo, though, for I imagine that this creature values its privacy.  The remainders of this strange weasel-like creature's, uhh, doin's, comprises what goes into among the world's most sought after coffee blends.  Now, two worlds collide.  The folks, nay, geniuses at Mikkeller have utilised the low acidity phe chon coffee to create a beer that stands tall among its coffee stout counterparts.

Traffic fumes and other inner city smells are ushered out the door from whence they came by one of the most potent aromas of any beer I have encountered.  There is the whiff of coffee, naturally, while the rest is all alcoholic warmth.  It tells no lies; this beer weighs in at a solid 10% ABV.  Thus, I am left with the impression that Beer Geek Brunch Weasel is best suited for home imbibing.

Is the bitterness from the coffee, or is it borne of its hop profile?  I would ledger it is a little bit of column A, a little bit of column B (as Grampa Simpson would say).  Either which way, this is flavour and character that commands attention.  The coffee flavour lingers long into the aftertaste, thereby completing this true “experience” in beer tasting.

This is the blackest of black beers I have ever set eyes on.  It is inky, voluptuous and incredibly full of body.  Black coffee, black magic.  Mikkeller have pulled off one of their finest efforts to date; there is no doubt that Beer Geek Bruch Weasel will reign supreme among coffee stouts for a good while to come.

Friday, 19 September 2014

12 Step "From Crap to Craft" Rehabilitation Program


l will say this right up front: if you or your friends have absolutely no interest in craft beer, that Victoria Bitter is the only “real beer”, there is no hope for you.  By extension, hope for mankind dwindles also.  But, you cannot spell “hope” without “hop,” and with every passing day, more and more people are converting to the dark side that is craft beer (and real ale).

So, if you or yours have even a passing interest in craft beer but have been too afraid to dip your toe into the wide world of Saisons, stouts, DIPAs and dark lagers, here are a dozen beers, all of which are accessible enough in nature, to help you on your way.  It is worth noting that most of the brews in this selection are not truly “craft” by strict (anal) definition, for some are brewed on a larger scale (while exhibiting the hallmarks of a craft-brewed beer), however most can be found at retail outlets and bottleshops such as those to which I have provided links.

Enjoy, and you might even learn something along the way (only to be forgotten by the time you have imbibed the fifth or sixth beer on the list…).

1.     BrewDog – Dead Pony Club (California Pale Ale)
The lager-like texture and carbonation makes for a remarkably easy-drinking brew.  Its hop character is subdued but present.  All this makes for a great pairing with fish n chips.  Just don’t tell ‘em it is a midstrength (3.5%).

Writer's note:  Low ABV beers provide a great option for those wanting to lose weight, for alcohol = calories.  Do not be fooled by the "low carb" fad, for carbohydrates do not translate directly to weight gain when drinking beer.  Naturally, you will have to stop yourself after a few Dead Pony Club cans or bottles if you are calorie counting, however good luck to you...  This is one highly addictive, sessionable beer!


2.    Weihenstephaner – Kristall Weissbier (Filtered Wheat Beer)
In 2056, Weihenstephaner will celebrate its 1,000th year in operation, thereby making it the oldest known brewery still running.  They must be doing something right!  Kristall is a fantastic filtered wheatbeer that s yellow, mellow and oh so drinkable.  It provides a great introduction into the wonderful world of German wheatbeer, sans the heaviness and at first overpowering flavour.  It looks and almost drinks like a lager, even if it is a little denser and richer overall.

3.    Pilsner Urquell
Okay, so this fine Czech pilsner is not exactly a craft beer.  In fact, it can be found at just about any bottleshop anywhere.  It is, however, among the very best in its class.  Some might find it too bitter when the palate has been conditioned to drink only sweet, mass produced pap.  My advice is to stick with it and push past the bitterness threshold.

4.    Paulaner - Hefeweissbier (German hefeweizen)
If you have tried and enjoyed the previous three beers, you have officially passed your first test.  Time to move onto something a little more adventurous!  Paulaner’s Hefeweissbier is, again, not at all a “craft beer” in the modern sense, however it is an "old world" beer made with love (in accordance to Germany’s purity laws).  Much like the Kristall, banana flavours run rife over the palate before a balanced bitter finish.  Prost!

5.    Sierra Nevada – Pale Ale
It is said that Sierra Nevada are the people who started it all, even though breweries such as Anchor began brewing original, proper beers long beforehand.  No matter, it cannot be denied that Sierra Nevada played a big part in igniting the craft beer renaissance; they have helped save the souls of beer drinkers both Stateside and the world over with their flagship pale ale.  In short, it is stupendously drinkable.  Simplicity over complexity is at the heart of this incredibly well balanced brew.

6.    Matilda Bay – Dogbolter (Dark lager)
The fact that Matilda Bay, Fremantle’s original craft brewers, upped stumps and relocated its operations cross-country to Victoria is, in this proud WA boy’s book, almost an outright act of heresy, but one cannot help but forgive when one remembers their legacy.  Dogbolter is a fantastic dark lager, not least because it does not bear the overly dominant dark fruit character and hop bitterness that so many others do.  Notes of molasses and caramel shine through, and the mouthfeel is smooth without being heavy.  The dark lager style provides a gateway, I suppose, to stouts as well.

7.    4 Pines Brewing – Kolsch
Now things get interesting, at least from an educational standpoint.  Kolsch is an unusual beer, and much like “Champagne” or “Pilsner” it refers to a specific region (within Germany) as well as a certain style.  4 Pines’ Kolsch is not quite an ale, not quite a lager in terms of its make-up (top / warm fermented at first using ale yeast before being “lagered” at a cold temperature later).  Its flavour profile, unsurprisingly, sits between a typical Pilsner and golden ale.  In short, any Kolsch, especially this one, goes down a right storm with its easy-on-the-palate drinkability.  It is easy to see many a fridge stocked up with 4 Pines' interpretation of the style, ready for summer grilling.

8.    Little Creatures – Bright Ale
Even though Matilda Bay is ground zero for craft beer in West Australia, Little Creatures helped see the movement take flight in the early to mid 00s.  Their Bright Ale underwent a recent change in recipe, however it is only for the better.  What was a fairly bland but easily drinkable golden ale has become something with just a little more bite.  Wheat has been added; thereby making a top-draw Australian-style golden ale.  Moreover, typical lager drinkers will feel at home given Bright Ale's carbonation, mouthfeel and overall character.

9.  Duvel (Belgian Strong Ale)
Most of beer fanaticism these days concerns the "new world" of brewing, however one cannot look forward without looking back over experience and past mastery.  Duvel is among Belgium’s finest old-world beers.  The French have their wine while the Belgians have their beer, and suffice it so say that Belgian beers pack just as much complexity as their grape-borne counterparts.  There is a lot going on under the hood of Duvel (much of which sings of the Czech Republic rather than Belgium); Pilsen malt, Bohemian hops and (the Belgian element) a unique yeast strain.  Duvel is bottle conditioned, meaning that live yeast remains in the bottle, thereby continuing the process of fermentation.  Confused yet?  Grab a bottle (or three), settle in and prepare to (un)learn everything.

10.  Rogue – American Amber Ale
Smooth, mellow, a little nutty and gently sweet; Rogue Amber Ale provides a fine introduction to the amber / brown ale style.  If over-the-top hoppy brews are not at all your bag, the American amber could be just the ticket.

11.  Feral Brewing – Hop Hog (American Pale Ale)
Hop Hog was once considered to be an IPA (India Pale Ale), due in part to its big and bold citrus fruit flavours.  Feral themselves, however, have termed it to be an APA (American Pale Ale).  All this can be quite baffling to the craft beer newbie.  It’s okay – everybody’s journey starts somewhere, and there is no better place to start than this exceptionally beautiful West Australian ale.  Bold flavours of orange and mango precede a walloping but properly balanced hop finish.  If indeed you have sampled and enjoyed other pale ales in the past, your bitterness threshold should be more than up to the task.

12.  Coopers – Best Extra Stout
If you can handle this exceptional beer, you have successfully completed the program.  If you have yet to try it, it might prove to be something of a baptism of fire.  I enjoyed my first Coopers Stout when I was 17 (no fake ID was needed and they were not playing Queen on board the ferry that my family and I took to Tasmania all those years ago), hence I think you can manage it.  It bears all the hallmark flavours of a good, proper stout.  At first it seems “heavy,” but believe you me, once you go black you will always go back.  Moreover, you might find yourself requesting that Coopers Best Extra Stout replace Guinness on tap at your local (assuming you live in Australia).

Tuesday, 16 September 2014

Sierra Nevada: Snow Wit (White IPA)


Beer Deluxe, Fed Square Melbourne

“Anyone for hoppy snow cones?”

As mentioned previously in my review of Sierra Nevada’s outstanding Blindfold Black IPA, the Chico, Northern California-based brew masters have this year released a four-part IPA series to rival that of BrewDog and their IPA is Dead annual release series.  Instead of honing in on one single hop variety as BrewDog have done, Sierra Nevada went for showcasing varying IPA styles; all the while showing off their talents with hop growth, blending and experimentation.

Snow Wit White IPA closely rivals its blackened brother in terms of its class and character, however it differs immensely on a variety of levels beyond simple style.  At surface level, it straddles the boundary between Belgian wheat beer and IPA so delicately that it might as well be a circus performer walking the tightrope – without a net to catch its fall.  Look a little deeper and you will find that no fewer than seven hop varieties were used here; dwarf hops no less (as the name Snow Wit suggests).  “Dwarf hops?” I hear you query.  The long and the (very) short of it is that growing hops in hedgerows rather than the more traditional method yield hop cones that have denser, more concentrated flavours that differ slightly from those grown in the usual fashion. *

A strong head quickly dissipates, leaving behind solid lacing.  It is like the snow melting before a sunny day ensues.  The aroma is pungent and heavy with lemon zest and peel.  Following through is massive grapefruit zest, and complex herbal undertones.

Snow Wit’s mouthfeel is as dense and as rich as the flavours that follow; the entire palate is treated to a feast of delights.  Smooth but rollicking and rolling flavours of fleshy orange, banana and an undertone of bready dough lead from the front, before huge, and I mean huge, grapefruit bitterness hits behind the molars.  It is little wonder that the flavour profile of Snow Wit is so immense given the amount of hops used and the method in which they were cultivated.  Moreover, Sierra Nevada is all about balance with their ales.  Snow Wit continues this trend.  It is enormously drinkable while being wonderfully complex.

LazerPig (Collingwood)



To-die-for wood fired pizzas and thrifty specials?  (Lazer) pigs might fly after all!

The combination of beer and pizza has taken over Collingwood in a big way, thanks in no small part to the recent opening of both LazerPig and Forester’s Hall.  While the latter is all about its monstrous array of craft beer, with pizza being something of a sideshow, LazerPig looks set to become a cult hero with its divine pizzas and the most generous happy-hour in town (equal to that of local neighbour and partner in crime The Grace Darling Hotel).

One might be forgiven for feeling confused by what LazerPig is, or indeed by what it does.  Is it a pub?  Is it a sort of disco?  Is it a trippy pizzeria that does not quite know whether it is living in the past or the future?  In reality, it is all of these things, and so much more besides.

The blackened façade of the building conceals a juxtaposed world full of disco balls, a smoke machine, quirky trinkets, taxidermy, stained-glass windows and oldy-worldy traditional pizzeria tablecloths.  The smallish bar, cosy fireplace and surrounding space is all darkened, unpolished wooden floorboards which confuse and delight in that they tell of a proper pub, rather than a typical sophisticated bar or pizzeria.  A separate dining room, replete with an open view of the busy kitchen, flanks to one side, thereby completing the joyously disjointed picture.

On tap, there is plenty to choose from.  It is no secret that I am a huge fan of Coopers Best Extra Stout; a brew that I have requested that The Grace Darling Hotel add to its tap list since my very first visit there back in 2013.  Fellow Coopers Stout fans may rejoice in that it is offered here, and between 4pm and 7pm, it is included in the happy hour.  Mmmm….  $5 pints…!  Not a stout drinker?  I shan’t hold it against you, and neither will the folks at LazerPig.  From the keg they also provide beers from Moon Dog, 4 Pines, Temple Brewing and a cloudy apple cider from St. Ronan’s.  There are a few simple cocktails, an appropriate if not rudimentary wine list and acute Mondayitis sufferers can chase away the early week blues with $5 tumblers of Sailor Jerry punch.

On the pizza front, the ethos here seems to be “less is more;” in terms of each pizza's array of toppings.  Most options are modern takes on classic Napoli-style pizzas; the Italian way, of course, being that no more than three ingredients complete the picture.  Portion sizes and toppings are equally generous.  Moreover, all pizzas are wood-fired, with the dough made in house (using five-year old sourdough culture*); the process for which takes eleven hours.  In the end, the base is seen to be as important as what goes on it; as you bite into the crisp and voluptuous crust you will never look at pizza crusts the same way again.

Thus far, the “Prawn Fraser” (pictured above) has proven to be the most deeply satisfying.  Garlicky, spicy and topped with huge, melt-in-your-mouth prawns (the variety is not specified but no matter); this one is sure to please anyone who loves the utterly guilty, shameful pleasure of enjoying seafood pizza.

Paired with Coopers Best Extra Stout, “The Prawn Fraser” proved to be a true orchestration of flavour, with the pair playing off each other as magnificently as Metallica did with the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra.  The beer and pizza amplified one another; garlic and bready sweetness went head to head with burnt malt-forward intensity.  The prawns did well in balancing and somehow accentuating the coffee bitterness of the beer, meanwhile, the rich tomato sauce and the addition of optional chilli oil* provided a glorious backdrop to the whole taste experience.

Other pizza options include “The Prosciutto;" a devilishly delightful delving into two classic Italian ingredients: prosciutto, of course, and the silken, textural delight that is buffalo mozzarella.  Your lacto-vegetarian friends are not forgotten about thanks to “The Fun Guy”* and the basil and cheese top-heavy “Il Classico.”  And if all that fails to satisfy (which I doubt will be an issue), there is antipasto, a "catch of the day" and salads to be had.

LazerPig is a great place to visit at any time of the day or week.  During lunchtime the soundtrack revolves around 70s rock n’ roll and punk, before the DJ hits the decks at 6pm to deliver disco tunes all night long.  The Collingwood drinking scene only keeps getting better and better, and the sight of not a single discarded pizza crust has me believing that pigs might one day fly.

* …And the “Pun of the Year” Award goes to…

* Staff provide a bottle of chilli oil for the table

* Five-year old sourdough culture fact provided by Broadsheet Melbourne's LazerPig review, which can be found here.

LazerPig
9-11 Peel St
Collingwood  Vic  3066
(03) 9417 1177
Email:  enquiries@lazerpig.com.au

Opening Hours
Mon:  4pm-late
Tue-Fri:  12noon-late
Sat-Sun:  2pm-late

Nearest Tram Stops 
From City:  Stop 15 – Smith St (as the tram turns left after Gertrude St)
From Bundoora:  Stop 16 – Peel St

From the corner of Smith and Peel St, head down the hill on the opposite side of the road from The Grace Darlking Hotel.  The venue is on the corner of the next block.

Specials
Happy Hour:  Mon-Sun – 4pm-7pm (Coopers pints are a fiver)
Lunch Special:  No pizza over $15
Monday Pizza Party:  $6 pints all night, no pizza over $15 and Sailor Jerry rum punch tumblers at $5

Monday, 15 September 2014

Miss Jackson Café (St. Kilda)


This one’s for real.

There are many reasons to visit Grey Street; quite a few of which are not entirely legal or ethical.  Welcome to the very epicentre of Melbourne’s notorious red light district.  Fortunately, during the daytime things are a little more placid; one can easily peruse the street’s various op shops before or after a visit to a local gem of a café in Miss Jackson.

The lads at the helm of this place: Matt and Steve, boast as much character as the neighbourhood itself.  Become a regular and you will find yourself the target of wry, deprecated but well-meaning humour from the larrikin Steve.  Hearty laughter to accompany equally hearty coffee and even heartier food is the order of the day here.

The beans come by way of Allpress Espresso, a New Zealand company also based in Sydney.  Take the time to enjoy a sit-down coffee; Miss Jackson's strong flat white is up there with Melbourne’s best in terms of full flavour, punch, balance and texture.  Moreover, it is always served at just the right temperature.  I would not be writing this review if it weren’t…

Should you insist upon taking your coffee to go, know this: you are missing out on the experience of sitting in a fantastic space that resembles a quirky student share-house.  The interior is bright, colourful and airy.  If you are visiting the area for the day, there is no more perfect environment in which to while away an hour before getting your St. Kilda (mis)adventures underway.  The rustic, often soaking wet outside area is where the bad kids hang out, myself included, sometimes with a longneck of Coopers Pale Ale in hand.  Boozehounds rejoice!  There is a small but no less comprehensive drinks menu that is perfect for midday imbibing.

If you have time to eat, Miss Jackson offers up one of the most unique breakfast / brunch menus around both the bay area and Melbourne as a whole.  The bacon and egg Piadina (pictured) goes down an absolute storm, especially if you request it to be served with prosciutto.  The freshly made house flat bread is a doughy, savoury delight in itself; indeed, the folks at Miss Jackson are proud purveyors of seasonal, organic, fresh and free-range ingredients.


Slaves to the sweet tooth, fear not!  Chef Adam Owen has got you what you need with the most otherworldly pancakes around (also pictured); fluffy, bready and delightfully immersed beneath toppings of sumptuous fried banana, honeycomb butter and a cream glaze.  The full effect of all this is a brilliant interplay between soft and crunchy caramel textures.  You and your dentist may thank me later.

Miss Jackson is an absolute must for both locals and visitors alike.  There are few better places at which to fuel up, wind down and chill out.

2/19 Grey St  St. Kilda  Victoria

Nearest Tram stop:  St. Kilda Station (Route 96) or the Canterbury Road stop (Routes 3A and 16 - the former of which runs only on weekends)
* It is worth noting that the entrance to Miss Jackson can be found on Jackson Street, hence the café’s name.  If arriving from Fitzroy Street, it is located on the Fitzroy Street side of the road so to speak).

Open 6 Days a week: every day except Mondays.